Cocktales: Ep. 418 "Secrets and Skeletons: When Love Gets Spooky"

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We're in a restaurant and you learn pretty quick. The sound of a crisp fry starts way before the first bite as delivery to go. Keeps business booming.

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Order for pickup

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McCain. Sure. Crisp fries. Keep orders crispy. A

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Delivery.

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After the trip, the crispiness comes through. Hmm, Iain. Sure. Crisps, fries. Go the distance. See how far our fries can take your business at. Sure. crisps.com/delivery.

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Yeah, yeah. Check one two. Check one two. Is. this Mike on Is. this Mike on Hey. listen man, it's the one and only Trent of the DJ since, and you're listening to CockTales Dirty Discussions with Kiki and Medinah Monroe here.

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Today's cocktail is called the Pennywise Punch. What you're gonna need to make this are two ounces of vanilla flavored vodka. You're gonna need one ounce of white chocolate liqueur. You'll need one ounce of half and half, and then a half an ounce of simple syrup and some Marino cho cherries. And make sure you keep a little bit of the juice. So what you're gonna do is take a cocktail shaker and we're gonna start putting our ingredients in. So we're gonna start off with the vodka. Two ounces, two and a half, two. All right. And then we'll need one ounce of the white chocolate liqueur.

3 (1m 39s):

I am trying not to be heavy handed today, y'all. Then we're gonna take one ounce of half and half. Now If You are lactose intolerant. I'm sure it'll be fine. If You use like a nut milk alternative. but I didn't find one and I didn't want it to separate since we are filming this. So, you know, If You do that. Make sure that you drink it quick. So you're just gonna need one ounce of this. And then a half ounce of simple syrup. All right, now we're going to add the ice in. I don't know why it said to add the ice after, but it did.

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So that's what we're gonna do. Add some ice to the shaker and then we're gonna shake it up. Really. All right, so now let me now get my feathers and everything. Let's strain this into a glass every last drop. And then we're going to put in some Marino cherries and then we're gonna drop just a little bit of the juice in there.

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You know, I never saw it so I don't, I think it was like a killer clown. And I guess that's the inspiration behind this. I don't know, but let's hope it tastes good. Anyway, happy Halloween. You guys enjoy a Pennywise Punch. Alright you guys. Well, every evening when my man comes home, I like to have a drink white on him. And it's a Pennywise Punch. I

4 (3m 35s):

Know that's right.

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I am a desperate housewife. I'm just trying to live out of fantasy here. Work with me. Happy Halloween everybody. I'm Kiki Said. So. Mrs. Kiki. Said So.

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And you guys, I am in the Playboy mansion and every night when one of my men comes home, I like to make white stuff come out.

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Oh dear.

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I'm Medinah Monroe. Hey y'all.

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Anyway, welcome back to Cocktail Dirty Discussions. You guys, I got Halloween,

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I got Boost Cherry. I really love Marino cherries like me too. I eat them like it's a chicken wing. Like when it's on a drink in a bar at

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A restaurant. I you

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A few. I think I already ate one. Oh,

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Okay. I love them. They are so good. I used to work at Sonic back in the day, you guys, and they would have 'em in like a big, like it might have been a two gallon jar. Mm. I used to be in the back just tearing the damn, tear them up just,

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And that was a big juicy one.

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I love those. I got those. It's the filthy brand. They also have, I'm still not really into a true martini like the olives or,

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And just like the liquor in it and olive juice. I wanna do it so bad because I love sex in the city. Not even, I can't even do a cosmopolitan. It's nasty

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Espresso martini, a lemon drop I can do. But like the olives that brine in there, the olive juice, I just can't get with it. but I just feel like it looks like a sophisticated drunk, not a sloppy one.

4 (5m 9s):

Yeah. I don't know. I rather do that. If I told you about that time when I was on the plane and I wanted to feel like a rich white woman, so I ordered a Bloody Mary bitch. I sent it back so quick and I was in, I tried that. I was like, the lady was like, you haven't even, I was like, can you please this

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Taste like the spa show with vodka,

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Like post spaghetti sauce.

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Yeah.

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Y'all got, you have the nerve to put a celery stick in

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It. and you know what's wild to me when they have those Bloody Mary, like over the top mini

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Burgers,

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Chicken wings. And why do y'all want cold ass tomato juice by your chicken wing? They don't even go together. They

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Put grilled cheese on 'em. I do love a grilled cheese. Not on

3 (5m 50s):

Tomato now grilled cheese with a tomato soup would be all right. And I guess you can't have it hot 'cause it will cook the vodka out. But why can't it be hot and you just pour a vodka in there? But that probably wouldn't be good neither. Or just a little. Yeah, keep the food away from the drink. It's like giving backwash. Can

4 (6m 6s):

I tell you something really quick about food?

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Of course. So

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I love food. I got home today and I, today was a really long day, long day. And just like the girl in the LA on last week's letter, how she was talking about needing the advice because her boyfriend don't be wanna do nothing because he'd be tired. Now that I have my real estate license, y'all, I'll be tired. Like I actually go into the office and do work.

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It's kicking your ass.

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It's really kicking my ass has

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Been stressed for months

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Big. And I'm

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Like, yeah girl.

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There's so much learning that I'm doing so

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And dealing with folks and being

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On top and dealing with like it's not even the, I like dealing with people. I'm a people, people in person be, it'd be the reading contracts and stuff. But anyway, it's just longer days. Like, so when I went home today I was like, I'm gonna make sure that I don't use our gum tired to not like I'm, 'cause we're gonna get home late. I was like, let make sure I just cook dinner before. So I had a small, you

3 (7m 0s):

Should have wore the housewife outfit. Well

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Housewives don't have to work. Mm.

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Okay, nevermind. So

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I went home, I got home at four left. He, no, maybe I got home at like 3 53 and I was like okay four. Yeah, I had stopped at the store, I ran upstairs, I laid my suitcase out. I season some chicken, let it sit for a minute. And I was like, what am I gonna do? I was like, I'm gonna make like a little stew and just pray that it comes out good so that I have food when I get home and he can eat while I'm gone and you don't have to just wait for me to get home. And now we eating at 12 o'clock in the morning. So I've got some chicken thighs. I put little olive oil in my new our place pots bitch. I love them pots.

3 (7m 43s):

I told you it

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Changes the whole way. Like I have made meals that I've already made before in the old pots and the, it changes the flavor.

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Having quality cooking utensils, pots and pans, knives. Like when you get a new knife set that is really sharp, you don't even gotta,

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You just,

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It makes cooking more fun.

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It makes it fun. You're not in there struggling. You not, and there smoking of the kitchen and you not getting metal in your bloodstream. So I put the chicken in one of the little pots and I put little olive. I seasoned it. I love the, there's this kinder, the kinder seasoning girl.

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I'm like how long have been, I been preaching about kinders for a while. Have you tried the garlic

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Herb? They have a jalapeno garlic.

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I get the big daddy jar from Costco.

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I gotta start getting the big daddy jar from Sam's because them them little ones

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And blend with the salt, pepper and garlic powder. Everybody use that. I love 'em girl. I have like, I'm gonna send you every one that I have so you can see and you need to add what you don't have that those are Batman, Mr. Kinder that's on the side of the bottle where he at. That old man knew what the fuck was he knew at he was doing. He was sees

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If. You don't have time to like let something marinate or something like kinder makes stuff taste like you let this sit like in the

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Or If You don't know how to blend your seasonings, your spices. They have several blends that are really, really, really

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Good. They need to go ahead and purchase the eggs. This ain't no egg, it's not. But so I put a little bit of garlic herb seasoning on the chicken thighs. I'm a chicken thigh girl, not a chicken breast. I

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Prefer the thighs too. They're more moist.

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Yeah. And so I did that. I put a little salt in there, I put a little red pepper in there and I put some chicken broth in there. I cut up some onions, put it in there, put some green peppers in there. And I put some, a whole bunch of garlic in there and I was like, oh let me just, oh. And I put a little scoop of cream of chicken soup in there, you know, the little thick and you need to add a little bit. So I let it, I let the chicken like sizzle on top of the stove at first. And again, I'm trying to just make this really quick so we have something to eat and then I put it in the oven 'cause you could take the pots off the stove. And then I made some little, I made some rice like just some plain rice and got a little parsley like how they'd be doing it. All the little lounges and just parsley up everything. Little food

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Grass,

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Little food grass. It makes it a little pretty. And I took it out. I, I left it in the oven while I was getting ready looking for everything and just like getting ready to leave. And I pulled it out. It made the, oh well I put a little sage in there because I just love how sage smells. So I pulled it out and I was like, it smells like thanksgiving. I'm put it over a little rice bitch. It was so good. and you ever just be proud of yourself because you're not trying. I was like, I'm just gonna throw something together. I didn't Taste It.

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I'll be like, mm. I did that. I be calling friends, you wanna come over girl, have you ate?

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And this was just a quick little and I was just like, it was so good. And me and my boyfriend mad each other right now and he was like, and now he was trying to talk to me and I was like, because that chicken

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Was hidden

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Because that chicken was hidden. I, I should have been like, this is mine. What you gonna eat

3 (10m 37s):

The other day I made a steak and speaking of kinders red, jalapeno garlic. Get that blend is, I think

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I have that one.

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It goes well. And I put it whenever I'm doing avocado toast 'cause I'll still season the avocado but not as much as I would if I was making a full on guacamole. I just sprinkle a little of that in there and that's it. It is so good. I used that on there. I tried it on some chicken wings before. What's another one? There's a prime steak. It has truffle in it. There's a, what is it called? Some kind of butter but not butter burger. It's a burger blend. There's a steak blend, buttery something, buttery steak house, brown butter, garlic, wood fire, garlic, carnet. I mean they have some good seeds.

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They do. Did I, do you follow the cozy cook?

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I dunno, maybe

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This gonna sound big in country but a few weeks ago I made a a a biscuit pot pie.

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Was this the day we were on Patreon? Oh

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Yes. And I was like, I don't even like Popeye but my mans let me try to find a cute little red Kiki. It was so delicious. It was so I was literally like I can't make this again. 'cause we, we about to be in here rolling around big and like the clump busting out like the clumps. I know big old biscuit head itself. It was really good. Like the pots, the quality pots, quality knives, the quality, everything dishware. It really does make it just like easier and fun to cook. Let us know what you guys are making for yourself, your man, your friends, whatever it is.

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I've been in the test kitchen. I need to try out some new things. I don't like pot pie but I did see like what are the fancy places we call it stuff deconstructed. It was like a soup but I was like, I like that better. I don't know what it is. It's the sogginess of the biscuit on the part that touches the liquid. Not the rest of the biscuit or whatever the covering is. But we used to have it a lot 'cause Mallory fucking loves chicken pot pie. but I

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Don't want it with the biscuit or the actual pie.

3 (12m 42s):

They did it. It was deconstructed. So it was like a A stew and Then. you have a biscuit on the side. I was like Now that I can get with. Okay because you do alone becausecause. I don't want that bread like that because I used to like chicken and dumplings. but I don't.

4 (12m 55s):

Mm. I don't like dumplings either. I've, yeah, I don't like how it feels.

3 (12m 59s):

The texture. Yeah. Yeah. It just feels like somebody chewed up my food. I went to a daycare and they chewed up our food and I know I've told y'all this again, I'm scarred for life. That was literally 30 plus years ago. But they chewed it up and put it back in the ball like a baby bird. I told my grandma and that was it. I'm glad they're closed anyway.

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Have you ate at any new restaurants lately?

3 (13m 22s):

Yes. Okay. So I had a girl's night recently. There is a very cute Italian steakhouse. It's very sexy looking inside. It's like dark. It's very dark. It's in Is that the fourth hotel that's like kind of across

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From PO city market

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Where Maser used to be. Okay. So it's in there. So you know they have a couple of bars and lounges and like different stuff in there. It's called Ipreo. It's Italian. It was so good. It was so sexy in there. Very cute. It's good for girls night date night by yourself, sit at a bar, whatever. But it's cute. So like get dressed and go. I've been there. And then what else did I try? I did have a good experience over the weekend on DoorDash ordered from this place called Crave. It's an Asian place. I love Asian food. They not afraid of seasonings and flavors.

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I love Asian food so much. It don't even have to be a bougie Asian food spot. I eat mall Asian food.

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Yeah, this is very simple. This is like a cheapy but they had a really good bulgogi.

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I don't even know what it is

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Bogo. It is just like a traditional Korean thing. Sometimes they do it on steak or chicken or whatever and it's just like, it is just good. It is packed full of flavor. But you know when you try new place on DoorDash, you never know how it's gonna go. It was good. And I think that might be it for Now that I've tried new. Everything else has been tried and true. Have you tried anything new lately?

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I went to a spot called Wagyu

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House that's on my list. They are booked up.

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Wow. Really?

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Yes. Every Atlanta foodie page. I have been looking.

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It was good

3 (15m 1s):

For me and my girls. We go out, we faithfully try new restaurants. We've been looking for a table for three for a minute and they're booked up. Keep

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Trying. I don't know how we got the reservation because we booked it that night. It was really good. Many

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People cancel.

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You get a lot of food. Like there's different tier like you basically it, it's not, it's an Asian place but it's similar to like the Brazilian steakhouses. But they don't, they keep bringing around the meats every seven minutes. You don't use the little color thing. But then there's also like a food bar where you can go get sushi and like different, different food other than the meats that they're bringing around. And I'm not even like a big meat eater like that. And I had told the dude that. So I was like I'm just gonna get the silver package. 'cause I really just wanted the sushi. The sushi was really good. But then I started eating the little meats and I was like,

3 (15m 43s):

I didn't grape.

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It was, it was really good. So if you're in Atlanta, it's in a a, a easy to locate spot. It's off of, is it how mill or north

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Side? North side. It's how Mill's in the interlock.

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Inter it is in the interlock. Parking is

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Easy. Is it where Lola was on the rooftop?

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Oh I don't know. I never went to Lola.

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Lola closed down. They didn't have a good business locker. Yeah because

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They was charging too much and the whole membership and Then you had to. Yeah

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It was, they close it to only members and the membership was ridiculously expensive. Yeah

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It was like bro y'all

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Are tripping. Y'all just have a pool. What y'all gonna do in the wintertime? Ain't nobody paying 2,500 a month. We got rent bitch and we got pool.

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Y'all gotta keep that shit in New York and LA where people gonna really do

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That and they wanna be Soho House So bad. You are not, you're not

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Atlanta where bring out the parsley and the

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Hookah or bring out a Soho House experience. 'cause that wasn't it at

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All. And I didn't even never go before. But it wasn't it. So but then after we went to Wa house right below, not right below I think on like the third floor or something. There's a place called Pinky Promise. I've heard of it. I just loved the name of it. It was really girly woman owned. And the lady was closing actually. And we were like, we just wanna get drinks. She let us come in and it was a bunch of us. It was maybe like 10, 10 of us and she let us come in. We got drinks. She was telling us that she owns it. She's new. It was a very cute spot. I didn't get to taste the food, but very cute for drinks and very cute for pictures. So I think that's the only new place that I've been so far.

3 (17m 7s):

I've got a very long list. And the other day I was like, you know what, I'm an avid yelp for you guys. Somebody wrote me the other day and was like, oh I was looking at your list. You did say you had to look. And I do. I save restaurants in there. They're public so you can find me. It's Kiara W on there, it's got my picture, you'll see me.

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But I was like, you

3 (17m 26s):

Know what, I haven't written any reviews in a while. And my mama called me and told me she was on the elite squad. And I was like, well I haven't got my elite message. So If You don't know. I didn't

4 (17m 35s):

Even know they had an elite.

3 (17m 37s):

Yeah, so If You use Yelp and you share pictures and you post and all of that. You might be invited to be an elite member And the elite people get invited to like special events. So they have like private events and they're free Free and they have tastings, free drinks, free experiences. And it's not just food stuff, it's all kind of stuff.

4 (17m 55s):

Do you have to pay to be a part of it?

3 (17m 56s):

It's free. Wow. You get invited. It's kind of like a appreciation for the people who are actively reviewing stuff on Yelp to keep Yelp alive. So anyway, I had to get my ass to work a couple weekends ago and I got my email so I'm happy and I'm back outside.

4 (18m 11s):

Let me go ahead and start writing my little emails.

3 (18m 13s):

You should the pictures, all those pictures I take when I go out to eat and stuff, I'm posting 'em in Yelp. They might not make it to Instagram but they gonna make it to Yelp. Good experience or bad experience. I'm not one of those people who only writes about the bad. I love to tell people where the good spots are. I'm not a gatekeepers. Sometimes I wish I would be because I hate when people get too hip to my favorite little low key spots. But you know what? I want people to eat good food and have good experiences and try new things and stay away from chicken fingers everywhere they go. You know, spend the palate.

4 (18m 43s):

I, I get what you're saying. I can't. I'm really speaking of food and good food. Costa Rica has really good food. I'm gonna Costa Rica for New Year's Eve. Go to Paradise and Vibe do com to book your trip. Elizabeth Gilbert is coming and doing different workshops. But the food, the food I'm going for the food. The food in Costa Rica. So you could eat bowls of rice in Costa Rica and it feels like you're eating.

3 (19m 1s):

They're gonna have rice at every meal. So If, You love rice. You need to go bro. That was a surprise to me when I went. I was like goddamn damn rice for

4 (19m 8s):

Breakfast. But it don't feel like rice here. Like you don't feel heavy after eating the rice in Costa Rica. At least I didn't.

3 (19m 14s):

It was a lot of rice. but I'm gonna be eating. It wasn't just rice, it's other stuff, you know, to try with it. And I, whether I like food or not, I love the experience of trying something different.

4 (19m 26s):

Definitely

3 (19m 26s):

Exploring a different culture. and you guys, it is not gonna be full of rice but it's full of meat. I am a meat eater. Heres how has their own version of barbecue. And they have like they were, I mean obviously they were colonized by a bunch of different people. But there's a nice mix of different cultures there and all of that plays into, plays a part in their culinary experience. We're doing a cooking class, a Caribbean cooking class

4 (19m 51s):

One day. I love a cooking class.

3 (19m 52s):

And so we'll get there in the morning and we're going to make lunch and like hang out and learn about their food and all of that. And I'm really excited about the cooking class 'cause I wanted to do one when I went last year but ran out of time. It was, it was two packed of a schedule. So I'm very excited about that. That's one of the many things we'll be doing. So If You guys are interested in traveling with me. Please join me in curious how click the link in the description box below and sign up to come on the trip. Payment plans available. You can If You have a roommate. You can sign up with them or If. You don't. And you're looking to meet new people or you want a room by yourself. There are so many different options. If y'all got questions, just make sure you email me or DM me and I'll be happy to answer them.

4 (20m 33s):

When I was in Brazil, I did a cooking class,

3 (20m 35s):

Which y'all make.

4 (20m 37s):

We, we made sushi. Ooh. But it was really good. I was like, I love a good sushi making class. 'cause it's not like a, that's not a, it's like when you If You make sushi at home, you gotta get the utensils. You gotta temperatures the temperatures. Like you, if you're gonna do like real raw fish, you gotta make sure it's looking for, you can't make no sushi and not cut it evenly in the little circles.

3 (20m 56s):

Yeah. 'cause then it's just gonna look like

4 (20m 57s):

Shit. Yeah. And I don't wanna eat it. I love sushi.

3 (21m 0s):

I do too. What's your favorite sushi restaurant? Mm. In Atlanta?

4 (21m 6s):

Mm.

3 (21m 7s):

Is that hard or top three?

4 (21m 9s):

I is that I don't if I, I don't know if I've even been to that many in Atlanta. Really? Yeah. And Now that I'm thinking about it. I'm like, I'm trying to remember names.

3 (21m 18s):

Okay, well I'll tell you all my my favorite Go-to because you can go

4 (21m 24s):

Lounge Sushi is, yeah,

3 (21m 25s):

That's in the top. Yeah. Sushi Lounge is good. Did you know that they opened a little speakeasy bar on the side?

4 (21m 31s):

Did I see this on Instagram?

3 (21m 33s):

I don't know maybe. But there's a sign outside. You might not even notice it, but when you walk in it's If You go to Eight Sushi Lounge. It's off of Brady and Hal Mill. And it's like over there in that little area on the backside of the Optimist, there's like a gray door. You go through the door and it's the other place. So it's loungy. They're separate but it's still like the same food. Similar. No, not the same food and not the same drinks either. And it's very cute over there. So it's definitely a cute spot to check out.

4 (22m 6s):

Is it where they put like the overflow? 'cause it's, no that's another place where it's always,

3 (22m 10s):

It's totally separate. So it's like, I mean you can walk through the two. So for example, this particular day that I went there, we were going to eight. My friend got there before me. It was last minute. And so she's like, well they open a little bar next door, I'm gonna go wait over there. She's ordering espresso martini. So I get there and so I go meet her over there. Then we go over to our table at eight away from the bar, I forget what it's called after eight or something. And so we were trying to order, that's cute espresso martini. And they, we were like, oh you can only get it over there. Like they're connected but they're two separate things so you can't order a cross like

4 (22m 46s):

That. They said we not about to play with y'all.

3 (22m 48s):

It's two separate things. Two separate systems. So it is different. They have different things And there were some other little, I don't even know what they call 'em, but some little things that I tasted that were really good. That place. MF Sushi and Virginia Highlands. And what's the third? I also like Omi Iami. s A. Little stuffy i's, there's speakeasy in the back but eight and MF Sushi are definitely my favorites. They all are really, really great. I think that Nobu is cute but Oh for

4 (23m 25s):

When I went it was for that little, that's the last time I went there. I was like I'm not about to be for what? Remember we went to somebody's album, release party and then they started fighting and breaking table. Oh we was still I that snacking on, that's when she was good.

3 (23m 36s):

Yeah, we was eating everything.

4 (23m 37s):

If it's free I'm gonna go but I'm not going.

3 (23m 39s):

But to pay because when you see the going look I go somewhere

4 (23m 43s):

A little and a little

3 (23m 45s):

Piece of of Rice Uhuh. I'm happy. Okay. Anyway, that's it for our restaurant reviews this week you've been listening to CockTales and cooking. Okay. So we'll do weird sex really quick. I've been trying to pull up the story but I keep getting distracted. Weird sex real quick and then we'll move on.

5 (24m 4s):

You said a man is not a necessity. A man is a luxury. Like dessert. Yeah. A man is absolutely not necessity. Did you mean that to sound mean and bitter? Oh not at all. I adore dessert. I love men. I think men are the coolest but you don't really need them to live

3 (24m 28s):

This week's weird. Sex is a story. I don't know what's going on with my phone. I updated it. It's tripping. but I, remember this one? 'cause this was wild to me. So this is a true story And it happened. Trigger warning. It's a messed up stuff that happened. So If You don't like that. Just skip ahead two minutes. I won't take too long. There was a man, well there was a couple, this is an older couple like older, they've been married for years there in France. This man has been drugging his wife for years. For what? And allowing other men to come in and have their way with her.

3 (25m 10s):

Some of them strangers, some of them neighbors. So he also was recording this material. So there's evidence, I forget how it all came to her knowledge and to everybody's know, they got kids together, can't remember if they had grandkids or not. 'cause they are old. Like, and she thought she had this happy relationship and he just got off by doing this to her. How did she find out? Because of the video. So something happened where he got caught taking like outskirt videos or something along those lines.

3 (25m 53s):

He got caught taking videos of somebody or something and then she sees these videos and it's her and she has no recollection. That's horrible. She's been going to the doctor and she didn't know if it was age or if something else was going on, but she was starting to have like a bit of memory loss. But she lives a normal life. She doesn't use drugs to her knowledge. Found out it was her damn husband. That's absolutely, I'm sorry. You think you know somebody that's, it doesn't matter. Like when people are like, oh I've known such and such for so many, you just never know. Some people are sick in the head and I don't know what I would do.

3 (26m 34s):

This could have been snapped. That is, but I do wonder, like I just have so many questions. Like were there ever any signs that he seemed like a creep?

4 (26m 43s):

Like did the little, you ever have any family members? We won't call anybody out, but where you're like, I don't wanna be alone in a room with them.

3 (26m 50s):

Family members. No, but people I know. Yes.

4 (26m 52s):

And it's like, I just wondered like even though on last week's episode where the girl was like, the man was lying about being 19 and he really 48. Like what?

3 (26m 59s):

That was really,

4 (27m 1s):

Dude, I just wanted to, was there anything where she was like, my husband could really be because some of y'all's husbands and daddies are creeps. So you was like, you just happen to know them. That's crazy. I would be Is he gonna jail?

3 (27m 13s):

Yeah because it, it all came out as like criminal activity. And so as the story unfolds, it's just really wild and crazy. I probably misquoted some of the stuff. I ain't a news reporter. I'm just trying to go off the dome because the phone ain't working. These goddamn Apple updates, y'all need to get this shit together before you send it out to the phone. I'm trying to text Warren about something earlier and he had to DM me on Instagram and that's, I saw his name pop up. He sent me a message. He never sends me messages. So I was like, what's going on? And I'd already been hearing, that's why I texted you about that satellite shit. Oh. People kept saying they were trying to text me and it says I'm in satellite mode. What the fuck is satellite mode? I'm on earth and I'm in my apartment. It might be a little, I heard satellite mode only works outside.

4 (27m 54s):

It might be a little young alien trying to be holler at you.

3 (27m 57s):

Well he needs to shut the fuck up and move on by his day. What if I had a good message coming through? Mm. What? What if one of my little babies, one of my nieces or my little cousin walker was trying to reach me and they can't reach me and it's an emergency. Mm. I can't do nothing for the girls. They're too far away. But walker's right up the street. I need you to, or what if there's a sale on skims? Like there always is every other day. I need to know so many things I need to know. Anyway, that's it for weird sex. Yeah, I'll look at that story. I'll put a link somewhere so that y'all can see what actually happened. 'cause I butchered it. But yeah, that old ass man was violating his wife and that's not okay. Mm.

4 (28m 33s):

That's not okay at all. And it's not, not

3 (28m 40s):

Scary.

4 (28m 41s):

Very.

3 (28m 43s):

So this week you guys in honor of Halloween, we're gonna talk about some scary things. We don't have much time so we'll just, we'll just talk about a few things. I was thinking about scary situations. I mean that is one, imagine If. You never

4 (28m 56s):

Knew that your husband, because this is

3 (28m 58s):

Going on for day. I mean this is just really wild. But then

4 (29m 1s):

I also think of the people that went in the room to to

3 (29m 5s):

Do, they're sick too. Everybody needs to go down. But they thought, according to the story, they thought that this was like a kink of theirs. And so they're thinking that she's okay. That's

4 (29m 18s):

Okay. I would need to know beforehand. She's okay with this now I'll go to lunch and then I come back. Yeah, you

3 (29m 22s):

Would. I just wonder like how, how does that sit well with you? Did you really believe that

4 (29m 27s):

You didn't believe you didn't care, you was just like, well somebody said it was okay. That's wild. Anyways, like Kiki was saying, in lieu of Halloween, we are talking about the fears that come with love. Dating and relationships. Before we go through our list, Kiki, do you have any like fears that jump out to you when you think about falling in love, getting in a relationship or simply just going on a date? Oh,

3 (29m 50s):

I'm scared of everything. You could be a killer. You could be married your, you could have all of these children. You could have a secret life. You could have secret fetishes and kinks that involve drugging me and doing all kind of crazy things. I watch true crime morning, noon and night. I've watched Lifetime since before. I should have same. I keep up with Dateline, I watch the news. I'm scared. There's a lot of things that scare me that are dramatic. But it's also like on a more basic level, I'm fearful of being with someone who doesn't show me who they really are because they wanna impress me or they want me to like them so they mute themselves or they hide certain things about themselves because they think maybe I'll think it's weird.

3 (30m 47s):

Like nothing like criminal violent or immoral, but just like quirks and stuff. I don't wanna be with somebody like that. I don't want you to feel like you gotta put on for me in any way. I wanna know who a person is because even if it's something I don't like, I like that you are comfortable in your skin. That is so attractive to me. Like when you catch somebody doing weird shit and they just do it and then they're, they're, I mean you might be embarrassed, who knows? I'll be doing weird shit and get embarrassed. But it doesn't matter if you're embarrassed, you still did it and it's like, it's not like you're gonna stop. I just want you to be you. And I'm very fearful of being with somebody and then waking up one day and you realize it was all a lie.

3 (31m 31s):

I read a lot of books like that.

4 (31m 33s):

Mm. Yeah.

3 (31m 34s):

Do you have any fears in love?

4 (31m 37s):

I think that I, one of the fears that pops out to me when we're talking about this is that you won't, I want somebody that's gonna be down for me. Like no matter what if I lose my legs or if I lose my voice like Ariel or if I like

3 (31m 53s):

You're really on mute.

4 (31m 54s):

Yeah. Like if something were to just happen like and you, it's not really like for better or for worse, like that is one of my very real fears of like nobody actually means the for worse. Does that make sense? Like you mean like for better or for worse but there's like a ooh but and it's like like

3 (32m 13s):

For better or for a little bit worse and it not for worse or

4 (32m 16s):

A little little bit bad. Like not like a little bit if If You I

3 (32m 19s):

For better or for inconvenience. Yeah for

4 (32m 21s):

Better. But if it's like you inconveniencing me, I'm probably gonna like up and leave you. Like that is one of the things that just makes me so scared of like marriage relationships. Like that's a fear I'd really be talking about in therapy because

3 (32m 33s):

I can see it all in your body language. I mean my God tight. Yeah

4 (32m 35s):

My collarbone is popping out. Like

3 (32m 37s):

Even your ears getting tight, they shimmying this shit. It's scary.

4 (32m 39s):

Like I don't know If You ever talked to friends or even family members who like people got divorced and like when you really look at like this where we're at right now in the world, like we are in a culture of like people are like, oh no, I'm not dealing with that. Bye now. Abuse is never a thing to deal with. I get that part. But like some of the other things we're like granted people are gonna do what they wanna do. but I've talked to people and had people close to me where they're leaving people, men and women and it's like you don't wanna try to, to like work this out. This was that. Like you, I feel like you should take for better or for worse out If. You don't really mean it. And it just, that is, that's a, that's a scary thing to me. Like we, we really about to go through all this and you you,

3 (33m 19s):

So what's an example of something where you feel like okay it is not the better, it is the worst. That's a realistic example that maybe you've seen somebody else go through.

4 (33m 29s):

Like women going through postpartum after they have babies and they kind of are different for a really long time and the man is just like not even willing to do any type of work or get any sort of awareness or try to like be like Wow you just had my child. Like I underst. Like that type of stuff scares me. Like you that that really happens to a lot of women. And it's like the man is just like she crazy. What

3 (33m 48s):

A lot of people don't even realize that that's what it is. It's like real depression. Not when people are just like, oh I was depressed but like real depression. Postpartum depression. It's literally a chemical imbalance. You can't control it. And it does take patience and like yeah that's a tough one. Yeah

4 (34m 8s):

Some. So things like that I'm just like oh mm. Or finances is another one where it's like people really, that's one of the number one causes of divorce And it's like somebody couldn't just like hold your hand and be like okay this is how we gonna get, this is how we gonna do. I don't know, it's just like a lot of things, real things that people be going through and it's like why y'all really just called it quits and everybody fighting over the house and the cows

3 (34m 29s):

Not the house and the cows. Yeah I think as far as the fight for something goes, if both people are still in it and willing to try, yes but I do understand when people are ready to call it quits 'cause the other person won't even, they're not budging, they're not trying to make a change. It's just like okay well how long you, not with depression but with other things like okay let's try a different plan when you're not open to that and you kind of being a stick in the mud

4 (34m 56s):

Or even things that you don't know might get thrown your way in life addiction. Yeah. You never knew that he was gonna get addicted to something and then And then he did and you just like bye nigga. And it's like I don't want a relationship like that. I get you. It is hard to be like, I'm gonna stick with you through cheating 'cause I might not. But you don't know what the, you don't, you just don't know what the things life is gonna throw you how somebody will be when a parent dies or a sibling.

3 (35m 19s):

Yeah. I think that as far as marriage goes, it is very important to me to take that serious. I know I think about that about every little thing. I don't even wanna talk to you too long if I feel like I would run because I don't wanna do that. You know it's just like ah this ain't the one 'cause I'm gonna run away from you. I'm not not gonna have any patience. I'm not the one and I gotta put you back in the pond. So somebody else who is fishing for a man like you can get you before I ruin you. And I wish more people would do that too because I get you with like working things out. But some people don't need to because what they gonna do is ruin a person and make them bitter and turn them against love and other things. It's like you know you don't want this you playing around stop.

3 (36m 2s):

Yeah,

4 (36m 3s):

I don't know. But we came with a list of things y'all let us know in the comments if any of them resonate with you. the first one I put on the list was the fear of vulnerability. Why is opening up to someone? Why can't, why is opening up to someone so terrifying to a lot of people, men and women?

3 (36m 20s):

I'll say for myself, sometimes opening up to somebody is hard. Be based on past experiences. If, You have ever been in a situation where you were vulnerable and you opened up to somebody and then later they threw that something that you share back in your face that does not feel good. And so it's like it makes you more cautious. It starts to make you build a wall up about sharing or a fear of judgment. Like when you do do something and Then you get a bad reaction. Sometimes some things are harder to get over for me than others and that is one. But it's like in building any sort of relationship you've got to work past that and remind yourself that everybody's not the same.

3 (37m 10s):

And just like you're not who you were a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, maybe this person isn't either. So you still gotta have some openness and like learn from the mistakes and learn from the things that have happened. But don't let it totally turn you off from certain things if that is what you go to or if that is something that at some point you are open to, you can always pivot and try things a different way. Everybody's not the same, just like you're not always the same, you know?

4 (37m 36s):

Yeah. Vulnerability for me has always been like a is a pretty easy task. Like thing, it's hard but I do it. I can't help but do it. And it's interesting 'cause when you get in a relationship with someone or you date people or even have friendships where it's like you can't open up and be vulnerable, that always I'll be looking like dang I'm the only one crying. Like that part has never been fearful for me because I also, I realize that like you have to be vulnerable, especially in your romantic relationship and especially in your friendships. This is something that Sarah Jakes talked about on a panel at the Woman Evolve conference where it's like if you're having friendships where like certain friendships, you might not do do this with every friend but someone you call your best friend and you guys haven't had vulnerable moments together.

4 (38m 18s):

It says something about your closeness. And I look at relationships like that. Like if I can't, if if we can't have vulnerable moments together, we're not really breaking down any walls. Like that's how you get close with people. And I've recognized that for a long time and so I practice it even when it's really uncomfortable. I remember when I told my boyfriend that I didn't finish school Kiki, he thought I was about to tell him I was a crack head because

3 (38m 41s):

That's how the way that you

4 (38m 42s):

Built it up. That's how I had

3 (38m 44s):

So what did you say bitch?

4 (38m 46s):

I was so terrified and I kept, I kept real. I was like, I was telling my mom and my sister they Mecca was like, what is wrong with you? Like, because that's

3 (38m 53s):

What I was thinking what school?

4 (38m 56s):

And I was like, I did

3 (38m 58s):

Did he think that you did?

4 (38m 59s):

He didn't. The way that we would have conversations around it, he probably did. He but I never just said I did. But it was just like, I just, you know how sometimes you could stay around, you

3 (39m 7s):

Just didn't say you didn't. Yes. I

4 (39m 8s):

Still went to school and had a whole college experience like so I could still talk about the stuff but it never got to like graduation. And so when one day I was like, I have something. It's just so heavy on my heart. Girl.

3 (39m 22s):

I assume when people never mention graduation, I don't ask. 'cause I figure it might be a soft spot and I honestly that's a

4 (39m 29s):

Way to approach it. But he NI was waiting for him to ask me what he never did. And so

3 (39m 34s):

Would that have made you sweat and get uncomfortable if he would've asked you before you were ready to tell him

4 (39m 38s):

You did it? It always makes me sweat and get uncomfortable. but I, but that's vulnerability. The things that make you sweat and get uncomfortable, you should talk about them more often than not. So when I told him I was like crying and I was like, and I'm just gonna have a, and he was like, I really thought you was about to say like you was addicted to crack or something and you just got, or like you got, you were

3 (39m 58s):

In rehab for three years

4 (39m 59s):

But it was,

3 (39m 60s):

And that's why you didn't finish school.

4 (40m 1s):

Wow. But it broke down a whole wall for us of just like, he was like, wow, you're really sensitive about this. And I was like, yeah. We were able to like talk about other things like why and what are your feelings around it? What

3 (40m 12s):

Is the why that it makes you sensitive?

4 (40m 15s):

Because I think just the world that we live in, like no matter what people say, it's still like a, my experience at least, I won't speak for everybody, but there have been times when I'm in rooms and people make you feel like inferior and it works

3 (40m 30s):

'cause you didn't go to school or not go to school but because you didn't graduate college.

4 (40m 34s):

Okay. And that's not an uncommon thing. Like that is like a thing where people are like, well, and, and it's happened so often that even with my parents, like not, not even just strangers, like people that you know. And so that has always been like a vulnerable, really touchy conversation for me. And so that was a lot for me to say that to him. And I was just appreciative of him for receiving it in the way that he did and being like, okay, there's worse things. I was like, okay. And there's been bigger things and smaller because everybody has different vulnerable moments where it's just like,

3 (41m 2s):

Yeah. And different things matter

4 (41m 3s):

And you hope you can share that with the people you love. 'cause you ain't nobody trying to walk around feeling high and heavy and sweaty lips shaking.

3 (41m 11s):

So absolutely not. Yeah,

4 (41m 12s):

Let them guards down. Y'all don't, it's, it is scary but let 'em down. The second one I have on here is fear of rejection.

3 (41m 20s):

Yeah, that's a big one. Again, same feelings like being rejected doesn't feel good no matter what it's for. It just doesn't feel good. And it, depending on where you are in your life and how you feel about yourself, it can have you questioning so many things from what you wanna do in life. Your self-worth, your self-esteem. Everything about your entire existence. It just, I mean everything is different for everyone, but rejection is a big fear. And whether it's just totally being rejected by a person because they just don't like you or being rejected because of something about you.

3 (42m 11s):

I think the biggest fear with rejection is if someone was to reject me, who I cared about, about something I cannot change like my family or you know, something like that. Like you can't help anything about that. Like how you were raised, who your family is, how anything from your past like it is what made you you. And so if somebody couldn't accept all of those things that come with me, that would be sad. But good riddance to 'em because you don't deserve,

4 (42m 51s):

You don't I, yeah, that reject. That's why wouldn't be scared to shoot they shot. 'cause we can't, we don't really handle it that well.

3 (42m 58s):

Yeah. And it's like I'm an overthinker so I'm gonna be thinking overanalyzing every aspect of it. Was it what I had on? Is it how I smelled? Does my breast stink? What did I say? Did I sound corny? Was I stuttering? Was my lip quivering? Did I forget to get them five 17 hairs off my chin? Was he wondering, is this man like what's going on? I really hairy down. It's like a lot of things and I'd be wondering like, oh what is it? Am I too pale? What's going on?

4 (43m 31s):

What is it?

3 (43m 32s):

He like titties. I don't have none.

4 (43m 34s):

He we, we've been together for a minute. I'm getting a little puffy.

3 (43m 38s):

Yeah, I likes to eat. I'm not about to be in the gym every day and drinking egg protein shake. So just like more cushion for the P. It's just a lot of things and you can just like spin out of control, overthinking those things. That's a fear. 'cause then that's really fucking wasted time. 'cause they already rejected you. What you wasting your time for? Yeah. Move on. Move on. But easier said than done. Of course.

4 (44m 2s):

And the more you If You feel like you're gonna be rejected from somebody as if it's dealing with dating, the more you should just do it and get the fear over with. Yeah. Okay. Just do it. Fear of commitment. I feel like that's a lot of issues with men. Again, men and women like committing

3 (44m 19s):

To the wrong person

4 (44m 21s):

Or just the idea of a long-term commitment to someone that you actually do care about. Some people are like bro, like forever,

3 (44m 28s):

Forever, forever.

4 (44m 31s):

Like you. That forever makes you feel tied down. I try to run from people like that. Don't play with me. You If. You got a fear of commitment.

3 (44m 39s):

I'm like a bird, I wanna fly away. Is that what Nelly Ferdo said? That is. That's a good song. No, but I for me, fear of committing to the wrong person. Because believe it or not, I do feel like when you commit, you are committed. It ain't, we not about to be doing all this playing around and you running away. I'm gonna find you and I don't wanna be on snap. But sometimes I think I do have enough screws loose to possibly be there one day and I don't wanna be there. So you know, I like to tread lightly time.

4 (45m 15s):

That's why I feel if anything's gonna be forever, you really need to, y'all need to talk. Y'all need to be be vulnerable. Y'all need to be having moments and be honest and talk because

3 (45m 25s):

I share that. I do think I could be on there. And how you feel about that?

4 (45m 30s):

Mm.

3 (45m 31s):

And I wanna see if they're shaking in their boots or not. And then if they're not shaking in their boots, then I start thinking, well bitch, should I be scared

4 (45m 38s):

Or not? Now he's looking at you like, all right.

3 (45m 41s):

Or you know, maybe it's just like girl, it's okay. You not that bad. You just never know. I do wonder

4 (45m 48s):

What about a fear of not being good enough?

3 (45m 51s):

Yeah, that too. That's

4 (45m 53s):

A crazy

3 (45m 53s):

One. Not being smart enough. Not being small enough. Just not being successful enough. Not being cultured enough. Just so many, not enough. Don't have the right pedigree. Don't have the right background. Don't have that one. Yeah. Being not good enough is a fear. But as I've gotten older and gotten more comfortable with myself and built up my self-worth, it falls lower and lower on the list.

3 (46m 35s):

It's just like, okay, well it's okay. If. You are not a match. You don't need to be a match for everybody. And If You are not good enough for somebody by their own standards. That's okay. Because let's think about it in the flip. There's some people you feel like not good enough for you.

4 (46m 49s):

And that's true

3 (46m 50s):

And you not, so it just is what it's, it

4 (46m 54s):

Just isn't gonna work. It's

3 (46m 55s):

Like changing the say that to somebody to like belittle them or make them feel bad. But it's just like, you don't care about family enough for me. And that's big for me, even though I complain about my family. This is just how we do it and it's a, it's a love thing and we just, we all kind of have a dark sense of humor and we like to play around with each other, but we love to come together. And it's important. You don't like family, you don't wanna do family gatherings. Well baby,

4 (47m 19s):

You need to go. I had a friend reach out recently and she was like, can you help me with something? And I was like, what? And she was like, I'm having issues being like lovable. And like, what does she mean? She was saying that like she has a hard time and I feel like some women have this issue just because again, of like where we're at in the world. Like we have to, women have to just do a lot. You people, you wanna be soft, but you got to be strong 'cause you working and paying your own bills and taking care of yourself and being an adult and possibly other people too. And possibly other people too. And it's like, she was like, you know, it's just like really hard for me to have like this softness that men be wanting you to have.

4 (48m 3s):

It was just a really honest, vulnerable moment. Well, she crying. She wasn't crying. Oh, I feel like I've been crying. Would be crying. Crying. I wouldn't be crying. Softness. Well I think it comes easy for me, but someone recently told me it does not. But she, but she really was all serious jokes aside, she was like, I just, I don't really, she like, I don't even know how to approach it because I, I don't, I mean

3 (48m 24s):

That's just not

4 (48m 24s):

Her. Yeah. I'm a go-getter. Like this is how I live my life. Like I'm not, and I don't wanna be like the soft girl. But she was like, but I do because I'm trying to get better. Does she wanna

3 (48m 32s):

Be a soft girl or she wants to be the lovable

4 (48m 34s):

Girl? Both. She wants to be softer with men. Okay. And I don't, I think sometimes women have a hard time coming out and saying it. 'cause Then, you have to admit that you are a little harsh, which is okay. And she was like, what are some ways that like I could just be softer with men. And I was like, oh

3 (48m 50s):

That's, did you go out in the field

4 (48m 51s):

And observe her? Huh? Did

3 (48m 53s):

You go out in the field and observe

4 (48m 55s):

Her and how she, I didn't. And I was like, maybe we should do a test date and like just see like what type of stuff you're talking about. Because I dopy think that maybe, maybe some of the conversations are a little bit too harsh. You're going right in talking about like success in finances and I'm just not sure if that has a, and sometimes maybe it can be the tone. Sometimes maybe it can be, I don't know. And this is not to say change who you are, but If, You are tr If. You are like, I wanna work on these things. You to make a change. Yeah. I think there are more like ladylike traditionally don't get mad things to do to just kind of help you with it. So like I was listening to her talk on the phone the other day and she didn't even give the man a moment to share about his day.

4 (49m 36s):

She just immediately went into like all this and it was, it was, I wouldn't, and I don't like when people do that. So it's just like, and it was like in a way of like it seemed braggy. And I'm not saying that's what was happening, but it did seem like that. But

3 (49m 51s):

That's how it could come off.

4 (49m 52s):

Everything was around finances and alluding to I have money and this is what people with money do all day. Does that make sense? Absolutely. And he was just like, as opposed to just being like, how was your day? I think If, You do wanna be in a traditional relationship. There are certain things where like men do want the woman to be a certain way. Just like women want a man to be a certain way. You want the man to treat you and be like, baby, go get a spa. Relax and be soft. And sometimes men want you to baby them even if y'all aren't together yet. And I think it's just like, sometimes it's hard for some women to do that when it's like, nigga, no, I'm not doing that for you. And it's like, ah, well then If You don't have it in you. You don't have it in you.

3 (50m 28s):

Well good luck to her. I hope that she does try something different. I get what she means. So it's like you don't wanna try something different 'cause if what you're doing isn't working to get the results that you want and how this is for anybody, how you treat people in a work environment is usually not how you need to treat people in a love relationship environment. These are not your subordinates or anything like that. and you gotta recognize it. Be so cut and dry like business. Yeah, let's get to the point. What, what's going on? Let's give these updates. You don't wanna hold people up. People have things to do, but you can slow down. Take a breath. Listen.

3 (51m 8s):

Listening is a big one. Listen, If, You all know what to say. You can be quiet. Ask a question and be quiet if And

4 (51m 14s):

If You realize in a conversation you the only one that's been, and you don't have a podcast. Like in a regular conversation. In a regular conversation and you on a date and you realize you're the only one that has been talking. You need to take a breath.

3 (51m 27s):

I don't like when that happens. It

4 (51m 29s):

Makes I'm, I don't care how fine you are, I'm leaving.

3 (51m 32s):

That's exhausting. And I think it goes both ways. Me and or a woman. Nobody wants to just be sitting, well no, I'll take the breath. Some of y'all do like doing that and I'm leaving

4 (51m 41s):

To just be sitting there.

3 (51m 42s):

No sitting there talking. Oh yeah. Like, because it's like I can talk about myself. I do want you to get to know me, but I wanna hear about you. I want you to learn about, that's why I'm here nigga. I'm gonna stayed in the bed and play the sims and made up a nigga.

4 (51m 53s):

And the people that be on dates, men or women that just be talk, talk, talk. It doesn't even, they don't even like register that like you have, you haven't even let me get

3 (52m 4s):

Worded. Sometimes I wonder if it's nerves because I'll tell you this, it's been a long time since I've been on the first date. But when I was going on them more regularly, if the first date, it seemed like it was nerves and it was like they were still nice and if I did interject, they didn't bring it back to them. They were like, oh, you know, and they realized, I'm like, okay, it is nerves. I could let it slide. That's on date one. Now date three. This is a character flaw. Yeah. Because by now you should be comfortable.

4 (52m 36s):

And that's one of the, for worst, I can't even get past it for a day. So don't,

3 (52m 40s):

Well y'all would never even be walking down the aisle so.

4 (52m 43s):

Yeah. Yeah. You talk too much.

3 (52m 45s):

I wanna know what some of y'all's fears are when it comes to dating. I'm trying to think if there's another big one. Did you have another one? Do you

4 (52m 53s):

Think there's any fear around, oh,

0 (52m 55s):

Run a restaurant and you learn pretty quick. The sound of a crisp fry starts way before the first bite as delivery. Togo keeps business booming. Order for pickup MCC cane. Sure. Crisp fries keep orders crispy. A delivery after the trip the crispiness comes through. Mm Iain sure. Crisps, fries, go the distance. See how far our fries can take your business at. Sure. crisp.com/delivery.

4 (53m 25s):

Opening up old wounds, like if they ask you about something about a past relationship, what happened to you when you were younger, why you like, maybe they're like, why you always got attitude or like just whatever it is now there's a story behind it and you're like, well when I was a kid they, everybody ate my food and that's why I eat so fast. Or like something like that. Like

3 (53m 45s):

I think I have one or two that I, that are still wounds that I'm not all the way over. but I, I do feel confident that in time I'll be able to talk about it more. Yeah. So I do, I currently, I do still have a few, one or two that are very hard to talk about. Very traumatic for me and I don't like to talk about them, but I don't think it'll always be that way. Usually with me it just takes time. And then once I get to a point where I can laugh and joke about it, Whether it be with my friends or whoever, or even with myself in the mirror in the car when I'm talking to myself, then it's easier.

3 (54m 30s):

But yeah, I do still have some old wounds. Nothing like somebody stole my fruit snacks. But you know, things have happened and it's just like I,

4 (54m 41s):

I am reading this book right now. This is the first book I'm actually listening to on Audible because I was like, lemme try it out because normally I like to hold the book. I love Audible book. Yeah. but I got a free credit so I was like, lemme just try this. And my brother told me about this book, it's called Fight Right by Jenny and John Gottman, I think that's their names and their therapist. And they study, they study people in relationships. Like they actually came out with a system and a program where they like hook you up to this thing. They, they study people for like 10, 15, 20 years. They put cameras in your houses, they watch how you argue and it's like Big Brother. It's a very good read. Like I'm literally like wow. And it teaches you not only to like fight, right? And and there's like a whole like fighting type.

4 (55m 21s):

Everybody has a type. But a lot of things that it makes you recognize is like while everybody might have these godawful fears, all of us do. and you might be dating someone who like shows all of these things. It doesn't necessarily mean they're the wrong person or you can't still invest in them or or date them in a sense. Everybody has like some of these things and it teaches you how to kind of handle it in a way that you still feel good about yourself. They still feel good about themselves and you bring it together however you want it to be. Whether it's marriage or just dating or in a relationship. And it's a, I I brought that up because it's just a really good read. Even though we're talking about fears and it is Halloween. Ah, don't be so scared that you put yourself in like a box and don't just, and just be like, yeah this is why I'm, and this is why I don't be dating nobody.

4 (56m 7s):

No sis or bro, give people chances and try things out. Everybody has some shit going on with them.

3 (56m 16s):

I don't know because If You do have, you might need to work through some things before you might

4 (56m 19s):

Need to and that is

3 (56m 20s):

A part of it. You might need to sit out from day You can,

4 (56m 24s):

I'm talking normal people. She said she wasn't normal and she wasn't. Well we

3 (56m 27s):

Dunno who our listeners are. I'm just saying everybody

4 (56m 30s):

Y'all normal. If something seem often that's different but don't be so I just don't, don't be so fearful that you just be in the house. There's this lady that I know, hope she's not listening, she's the older woman and to live in my building and she was so scared of dating that she, one day she really told me, she was like, I really just wish I would've done given people more chances and experienced life more because now I'm like 70 something and she doesn't have anybody. And she was like, it's just a not a fear of being, it's almost like the visual of a fear of being alone. Like she really, that's really what happened. She was like, I just stopped. I was just like how some of the young girls were like, I'm not doing it no more. And I really didn't do it no more. And I really have a a ton of regrets. And I was like, and I used to have to go to her, her house and open up her ice cream lid 'cause she has the disorder, I forgot what it's called.

4 (57m 16s):

It's somewhere her muscles. And she couldn't open the ice cream the first of, I thought it was racist. I really did. But it wasn't, she really was like, she don't have nobody.

3 (57m 23s):

Was this the lady that was on the show? Alright, well

4 (57m 31s):

We're gonna move on.

3 (57m 32s):

My voice was out. That episode I was watching,

4 (57m 34s):

That was one of Covid episodes. We was letting anybody, oh, If You had a podcast during Covid. Just, just shout out to you if you're still going and

3 (57m 45s):

You still here.

4 (57m 45s):

Yeah. Yeah. 'cause that was tough. That was tough times.

3 (57m 48s):

Yes it was. Alright well we're gonna move on to indecisive Diane. She might be indecisive about where she's going on a date, but Diane keeps a man. Okay. I don't know if it's Vinny, Billy or who the fuck it is. Anyway, let's see what she's got to say and when we come back we'll answer some advice.

7 (58m 10s):

Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want when he wants what your parents want. What do you want? What do you want? It's not that simple. What do you want?

1 (58m 22s):

What

7 (58m 23s):

Do you want?

8 (58m 28s):

Hey ladies, it's me, Diane, and I'm pretty sure it's Halloween. So maybe you are one of those people who doesn't like going out on Halloween, so you don't wanna go to a Halloween party. So listen up. Why don't you have a scary movie night with your friends or with a bay. Find a little spooky Instagram cocktail to make or find one of the CockTales CockTales to make Dress up in your unmentionables and then go have a scary time. Bye.

3 (59m 25s):

All right you guys. And so we are back from indecisive Diane and it is time for the advice. If. You have a question that you would like for us to answer on this show. Make sure you email it to us at advice at CockTales pod.com.

4 (59m 40s):

Okay So this first one is titled A Doctor In Need of Dating Advice. Hi ladies, I'm a big fan of this show and I listen weekly. Thank you so much for all you do and I hope I get to see you live one day. You can give me a fake name maybe Naomi and I attached and attached her a few of my dating app photos. I looked at them, I I put it in the little saved thing. I'm a 31-year-old black female resident doctor living in the northeast Congrat si. My last relationship ended about a year ago and I live in a predominantly white area so I have had trouble dating my preference, black or brown educated five, 10 or taller.

4 (1h 0m 22s):

My ex actually moved from New York to be with me and after taking a few months off to heal, I have not had much luck with dating at this point. I have kind of given up on the abs and amusing this time to focus on myself. However, I'll be graduating in July, 2025 and wanted to know what areas you think are the best to move for a young woman dating with a marriage mindset. Some friends have suggested Georgia or moving somewhere south. I have also considered the DC area since I be around more black and brown professionals. What do you think? Thanks for reviewing my letter and I look forward to hearing your advice on the show. Best fake name Naomi.

3 (1h 1m 2s):

Well Naomi, I'm gonna tell you this. I think that there's different types of people no matter where you live in the world. Where does she say she's right now?

4 (1h 1m 9s):

That's a good question. Midwest.

3 (1h 1m 12s):

I wonder if it's Chicago or like North Florida.

4 (1h 1m 14s):

Northeast. She's living in the northeast.

3 (1h 1m 15s):

In the northeast. Okay, I'm gonna assume Jersey

4 (1h 1m 17s):

Or West in a predominantly white area.

3 (1h 1m 19s):

Connecticut. Alright. Okay, so lemme tell you something, the the world is your oyster on the internet. You might wanna get fielded because you could get on field, right? And then I forget how it works, but If You guys go, it's F-E-E-L-D, it's in the app store and the Google play, whatever that is, it's over there. You Download it and you can set all of these different parameters. There's all these different sexualities, gender identities and all of that. But you can also filter through interest and you can meet friends there. I

4 (1h 1m 56s):

Wonder If You can put location, you can, right?

3 (1h 1m 58s):

Your location is there. Yes. Okay, so don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure you can look around in areas that are close to home where you are right now. But you can also look in other areas and maybe you get on field and you start looking around the world, the country, whatever the parameters may be and you can see who's there. Because the cool thing about field is aside from dating, it's not just a dating app or like hookup app, any of that.

4 (1h 2m 24s):

It's a community app.

3 (1h 2m 25s):

Yeah, you can make friends, you meet all these different people, people on that app, they are more prone to being honest because you don't have time to waste time. You're a professional, you about your business and you want to meet somebody who is like you. You wanna meet like-minded people. And the people on field get that. It's not trying to be a one and done. They're really looking for their people. And I think you should try that out. I think that's test it

4 (1h 2m 51s):

Out. Test it out before you move in your area now. and you might find some black and brown people

3 (1h 2m 56s):

Because maybe it's somebody sitting at home feeling the same way that you do and that's your man right there. And he's just like, you know I'm tired, I've been on these same old apps

4 (1h 3m 4s):

And he's like, I just wanna meet a doctor.

3 (1h 3m 7s):

I wanna meet a professional woman who wants a relationship, is going to give me some time, wants to get married. It's not always too busy. and you at home and both of y'all just sitting at home wondering, and you never gonna know but you will If, You, Download that app and get to swiping.

4 (1h 3m 23s):

And I know you said you're sick of the apps, but you ain't tried Field. F-E-E-L-D. Just try it out.

3 (1h 3m 29s):

Try it out and see who you might meet and just, just check it out. And outside of field, different places have different cultures. So I think that that is something to consider. But I'll also tell you to be a little leery of going anywhere where it's like, oh people are, they already have the life that you want. 'cause they probably didn't meet there or they probably didn't start there. They probably went there later. Like oh there's all of these couples with children and this is what you want. I dunno, If, You gonna meet this single man. You gonna meet somebody cheating on their wife and

4 (1h 4m 4s):

Naomi, let's not forget, you can always pray about it and ask God to guide your steps and where you should be at. So try it out, let it try field, try God and see which one wins.

3 (1h 4m 16s):

Okay, well next advice says, oh this is the other one I got. Hang on you guys. Alright, so the subject line says, am I tripping? I mean probably, but that's okay. We all be tripping sometimes. Just get back up. Don't break your teeth. Hey y'all, I just want to start off by saying I love you both. So proud of how far both of you have come individually. Thank you. And together I've been a listener since Covid. We was just talking about them dark days and decided to give the advice segment a try. Well thank you. I might send in another email if this goes well.

3 (1h 4m 56s):

So one of my best friends and I birthdays are close together. Oh Lord. Literally a week apart. Recently she sent me a text saying how she and five to six people were going to a concert and wanted to see if I wanted to go. I said yes because the concert fell on the week of her birthday. And I genuinely liked the artist. Not even five minutes later she told me that one of her friends bought the tickets for everybody already and we would just pay the money in payments. So she chose the Klarna option. Here's when I started to to raise. Raise an eyebrow. I already knew it was gonna be messy when she said birthday birthdays, jazz

4 (1h 5m 34s):

Birthdays for women. Just really turn into like everybody mad. 'cause I couldn't make all 30 days of the activities.

3 (1h 5m 39s):

One of my friends really has a whole Monday. I ain't been to shit. First of all, it got overwhelmed when I saw the invite. I love you girl, but baby what? Anyway, she lets me know that they have their tickets but my ticket is on a completely different row from them. See then proceeds to tell me that the rows aren't a, aren't a far apart. And when the show starts to just walk to where they are. I don't like this already because what I told her, If You already got tickets at school. You don't have to purchase another because I thought I was going to be sitting with them and not in another row. But it was too late. She said she couldn't refund the ticket since she was on the payment plan. I just felt like it was weird to be on another, another row from my friends in quotes.

3 (1h 6m 24s):

And If You had to buy my ticket separate then the rest. I wasn't in the original plan exactly. I looked on a on Ticketmaster and you can get up to 50 seats in one purchase. Ooh, not you checked the facts on her. I just need to know, am I tripping? I'm a person who goes off of the principles. I feel like I sense stuff like this with my friends all the time, but brush it off. 'cause I second guess myself. That's why I'm here. Hopefully this isn't long and I don't have any errors. Well you did, but it's okay. xo, xo, big booty baby sis. Big booty baby sis. They playing with you. Alright, they, I think so because If You

4 (1h 7m 1s):

Heard a fallout or a misunderstanding happened be, I'm trying to understand why did they,

3 (1h 7m 6s):

Her and the friends, so her and her friend have birthdays that are close together. Said friend is like, oh, you wanna go to this concert? Me and five, five or six of my other friends are going. She says yes. Well, when the tickets are bought, one person buys the tickets. This is what they're telling her. Our listener, one person bought the tickets and it's on a corn and payment plan, so we gotta pay her the money. But she finds out that her one seat is rows away from the rest of the group. You didn't buy them seats together or you could have bought the seats together. But why did you leave her by herself? I do think that's shady. That

4 (1h 7m 41s):

Well I would ask though. Like I really would ask.

3 (1h 7m 43s):

They're telling her, she said, well, she said it's okay, I don't have to go. I thought I was gonna be sitting with y'all. I'm not. So it's no big deal. She's like, well you can't pull out because we already, she bought the tickets. Why would If You knew that y'all could get four or five or five tickets in one area and one ticket was gonna be solo dolo separate from everybody else. Because that whole, oh, come up here with us later. That's not foolproof. If You knew it was gonna be like that. Why didn't anybody tell her before the ticket was purchased?

4 (1h 8m 12s):

And that's why I'm saying maybe, maybe the girl, maybe whoever got the tickets wasn't paying attention and she wasn't looking at the seating chart and maybe it just didn't,

3 (1h 8m 20s):

It's not gonna do that Medina

4 (1h 8m 21s):

Ticket. Where was it? At

3 (1h 8m 23s):

Ticket Master. It's not gonna do that. If You have assigned seats and all the seats aren't together. It is gonna be a separate purchase when you're buying the tickets and you put in a,

4 (1h 8m 32s):

And then I wonder if somebody drop the ball somewhere and And one of the friends ain't saying that they didn't know you were coming then they just didn't wanna tell you the truth and it wasn't really a shady thing. I think talk to them. That's not shady. Well, I'm saying maybe somebody didn't tell Ant that Patricia was coming and Patricia was like, maybe Patricia hadn't said somewhere something is left out. I can't imagine that they just left you out on purpose. Well,

3 (1h 8m 58s):

Whether it's purpose or not, it seems like, okay well we gotta,

4 (1h 9m 1s):

Somebody doesn't wanna tell the truth of what happened.

3 (1h 9m 3s):

They should have told her. And that's why I feel like If You knew whether you was on Klarna or you just bought it with your debit card. Why wouldn't you say, Hey,

4 (1h 9m 12s):

Don't pass for the ticket. Who's cool

3 (1h 9m 14s):

With having the seat somewhere else? You're gonna have to move and If, You feel like it's okay to just move. Will you sit in that far away seat?

4 (1h 9m 19s):

Right? They definitely could have been handled differently, but please don't have a fallout with your friends. Please, you a fallout. But first just talk and be like, who's lying? And did y'all really not want me to come? Or like did, did somebody, did

3 (1h 9m 30s):

Somebody click five tickets and then it was a six ticket and you didn't know if I was going but Now, that seat is sold. So you're trying to sell me on this. Why didn't y'all tell me that from the beginning instead of trying to get me to have to mosey my way up to the front and I might get blocked by Debo security and now I'm just back here and I'm already anxious. I don't know. I don't like it. It doesn't mean that you have to have fallen out, but I feel you. I don't think that you're tripping for feeling weird about this because it is weird and it sounds like it's just a major lack of communication. Like Medina said, talk to your friend and see what's up. But they shouldn't have bought that ticket before they got your money. Yeah, because I,

4 (1h 10m 5s):

I would be like, okay friend, you don't gotta pay us. We gonna split If. You don't want to

3 (1h 10m 8s):

Come because they're not saying that. They say she has to pay. And that's why I feel like, ah, some of the milk can't clean. Write us back and let us know. And whose concert was it? Yeah,

4 (1h 10m 16s):

Now

3 (1h 10m 16s):

Tickets. Could you get 50 or 60 a pop? Because when I get on Ticketmaster it'd be like eight tickets max or six

4 (1h 10m 23s):

A K-pop concert. I went to a K-pop. What a Korean pop. I know

3 (1h 10m 27s):

What it's,

4 (1h 10m 28s):

No, they had a little random situation in Po City Market the other day. I was there and I stopped and watched little Concert Bitch. It was fun. I was like, they were having a contest and the kids was performing. They were like high school kids. And the little, then there was like a main K-pop artist that came out and was like performing. They were like famous in Korea. I was really like, and then I

3 (1h 10m 44s):

Did you have to buy tickets for the day? No,

4 (1h 10m 46s):

It was free at PA City Market in the little downstairs park by where the popsicles stand. And it was really good. Maybe they was gonna a K-pop. I didn't know that many black people like K-pop. It was all black people except for the judges. My

3 (1h 10m 56s):

Sister likes K-pop. Well anyway, good luck girl. And I hope that you're able to celebrate your birthday in a way that you enjoy. And that's it for the advice. Remember to email us advice at CockTales pod.com and now we'll move on to the CockTales. So If You have a cocktail that you would like to share. You can email that to us as well. CockTales at CockTales po com and just put CockTales in the subject line.

4 (1h 11m 45s):

Okay. There's just one cocktail and she really said this is really just, she needed to vent.

3 (1h 11m 50s):

Oh,

4 (1h 11m 50s):

All right. So this is what Sis said. Hey, Kiki and Medina. I love watching CockTales. I've been watching you guys for maybe two years now. Binge watched every episode up to date. Here's my predicament. I'm 25 years old and she said she wanted to vent, but now it's a predicament. I'm still gonna read it. I'm 25 years old and I have been with my partner since 2017. I love him. but I think he is mean with money. I always feel like I, I like how she put that he's mean with money.

3 (1h 12m 20s):

What you like about it?

4 (1h 12m 22s):

I just like, because you can like I'm, I like words and she really put like, like her feelings hurt. She not saying that he don't have it. He mean with the money. I always, that needs to be a glow real song. I always feel like I have to beg for a con conversation, a date night. The bare minimum of reasons why people would be in a relationship. He is a police officer in Jamaica. Mm. Where we both live good career, good housing. I work in America on a work program every six months to one year every year. But when I'm back home in Jamaica, we are always together as I don't work in Jamaica, I just rest and do my little side business to keep me going until I go back to the US work. Hmm. When? When.

4 (1h 13m 1s):

Isn't it interesting how people really live different lives? Because I'm already like, well, I mean with the money you were. Yeah. How do y'all stay faithful? Six months,

3 (1h 13m 11s):

Jamaica.

4 (1h 13m 13s):

Right.

3 (1h 13m 15s):

Last time I went to Jamaica,

4 (1h 13m 19s):

When I'm at his house, which is always when when am at his house, which is always when I'm there, I cook, I clean, I do all the things. He has some cheating sym symptoms recently. Well there you have it. I searched his Instagram while I was in the us not

3 (1h 13m 35s):

Cheating. Symptoms.

4 (1h 13m 37s):

Symptoms

3 (1h 13m 37s):

Like it's a flu.

4 (1h 13m 38s):

It's like how she does her work. She's really like, she says cheating symptoms. We're not laughing at you. This is probably rough. It's It is. Yes. I know I shouldn't 'cause oh, I shouldn't cook and clean. Oh no, no. I searched his ins. There's errors. That's why I'm struggling over here. Okay. He has the cheating symptoms Recently I searched his Instagram while I was in the US and yes, I know I shouldn't have. 'cause once you seek, you'll find, and so I did. He was messaging this girl from about February of this year. Conversations always start off. Good morning, sexy, good morning. Beautiful. She seems not interested in him as it's always him messaging her first. Once I saw that they were gonna meet up for drinks, bear in mind this young man doesn't take me out.

4 (1h 14m 23s):

And if we do go out, it's either I'm footing the whole bill or at least he said, you

3 (1h 14m 30s):

Got that American check baby.

4 (1h 14m 32s):

Hmm. He did. I guess he is saying that that's ooh. Or at least half because I kind of am more on the better side with money because the US currency to Jamaica is better. So even working six months in the US is the same money-wise. If I were there for one year. So think he's probably pocket watching and always complains. He doesn't have money, but oh, he's always complaining that he doesn't have money. But yet you're offering girls to go have drinks. I know she's not paying for it. I didn't say anything from February when I saw it. Anyways, August comes around and my mind said to do a check again on that same girl's message, which I did some, I did same type of flirting conversations. I finally brought it up. He said, it's his best friend.

4 (1h 15m 12s):

How old are

3 (1h 15m 13s):

You? Why are you calling your best friend? Sexy? Mm.

4 (1h 15m 18s):

How we have been together for years and I have never seen or heard of this friend. And then next time in the past, he posted this other girl on his status caption my everything sis, what's go?

3 (1h 15m 28s):

Are you okay?

4 (1h 15m 29s):

I'm really serious. My hard eye and with hard eyes and everything. And the only reason why I know about this is because we have mutual friends. She screenshotted it and sent it to me because he took it down the same time. I forgot to mention, when I logged into his Instagram and the message deleted the same time as I was in the girl's inbox, he deleted them. I asked if there is, if there is anything to hide. If there isn't anything to hide, why delete the conversation. He said he deleted the conversation on random. but I know that's a lie. Why is it that the threat alone was deleted? That threat alone was deleted at that time. He gave me a bullshit excuse. So he does this. These little cheating things. No, no. He is not cheating things. He's cheating. I think even though he is mean with money, no dates, no real future plan like marriage.

4 (1h 16m 12s):

It's my first actual relationship sex partner and everything. His pros are very ambitious. Any car trouble he can help. We do a little car rental business on the side with my car and well, whose car? Her car.

3 (1h 16m 24s):

I heard it, but I wanted her to hear it again.

4 (1h 16m 27s):

And his client's money goes to me. If I give him up, I give that up. And then I don't have any friends to really help with anything. So anything I need, he is the only one I have. And he is always there giving up a good business partner and a friend. He has the, is he

3 (1h 16m 43s):

A friend?

4 (1h 16m 44s):

Bitch, you need some help. He has the qualities of a good best friend. You want someone to have good productive conversations, hang out with, have a good time, be stupid around you. Got that part right. Okay. And fun. My own part. Spending quality time and a good protector. You know you're good at home or outside. That's him good best friend, but not a provider. Doesn't seem like a faithful partner or a good boyfriend or a future husband. Same friend. What's, how old are you? I'm not even trying to be funny girl. This was frightening. This was great for the Halloween episode because this is frightening. Like If. You actually stick with this man. And I am not one to just be like, leave that nigga. You need to run.

3 (1h 17m 24s):

He's using

4 (1h 17m 25s):

You.

3 (1h 17m 26s):

He absolutely is using you. Amer, what's that song? I was about to sing it, but that ain't right. It is American boy. But you the American girl and he wants you, your American money. It probably.

4 (1h 17m 37s):

And that's it.

3 (1h 17m 38s):

That's it. He's, he's taking your car. Is he using your car to take these girls out? You don't even know because you probably you

4 (1h 17m 48s):

Out here like you

3 (1h 17m 49s):

Whatever you working stand.

4 (1h 17m 50s):

That's not cool. Sie. Stand out.

3 (1h 17m 51s):

He's not being a good friend to you. He might pick up the car, wash it or whatever. But you could hire somebody for that. and you got another job like he's playing with you. He's lying to you and you deserve better.

4 (1h 18m 5s):

You definitely do Fran. and you never alone. So

3 (1h 18m 8s):

What a piece of first. Yeah,

4 (1h 18m 9s):

You need to be the first one to listen and Download and save the episode that comes out with Elizabeth Gilbert. Because you need to hear a lot of the messages that are going on in here when you are doing stuff like this for somebody who's treating you badly and you're willing to just keep putting because it doesn't sound like you're done.

3 (1h 18m 23s):

Make some friends, you're lonely.

4 (1h 18m 26s):

Seek within. This is a moment to seek within for a minute, at least a month.

3 (1h 18m 31s):

Pray. Read some books. Take some walks in the park before it gets too cold. Don't know where you're living right now, but walk around and just experience nature. Do things alone. Get comfortable being alone because you are holding on to this idea of a relationship. And it's not even that he's not even taking you out.

4 (1h 18m 49s):

Start the rental car company in the US and stop going back to Jamaica. Stop unless you visiting your family and leave him alone for a minute. If. You. Just can't If You. Just don't know what to say. Just stop going back for a minute. Stop now. I'm mad.

3 (1h 19m 3s):

Or start If. You. Wanna, you know, that's good advice. Now If, You want a medal? You already in the Instagram. Write those girls back. Mm. Now tell us,

4 (1h 19m 12s):

Choosing violence.

3 (1h 19m 14s):

She in America, they're in Jamaica. Don't go back. But since

4 (1h 19m 17s):

She going back now they pulling up with a machete. Well,

3 (1h 19m 20s):

She probably got two of them.

4 (1h 19m 21s):

She sound like she not gonna use it. Mm.

3 (1h 19m 23s):

Well you better call your police officer and then you'll know for sure. Anyway, thank you for venting with us. Girl, you better leave that man alone. Leave it alone. Who's playing? But you gotta leave him alone. We serious about that

4 (1h 19m 34s):

Part? Put him down and pick up your phone. Go to Paradise. I mean, go to patreon.com/ CockTales and join our community. You need a community, even if it's virtual. You need a community of people that are gonna uplift you and, and everybody needs this. Like there have been moments, I never did some shit like this, but there have been other things where I need a community of people. You see other people to lift me up and say this is not normal and this is not okay. Seriously, bro, join the,

3 (1h 19m 58s):

And to help you to not feel so alone. Because I do get it when you laughing, because this is wild. I can't believe this.

4 (1h 20m 3s):

Yeah, there's wild. You don't deserve this. There's a man that will cherish you, treat you right, and do all of the things that you would like for him to do. and you don't even sound like a gold digger. You willing to work and do stuff 50 50 and help start businesses.

3 (1h 20m 14s):

And it's like, girl, nobody's gonna treat you better than you're willing to treat yourself and you not treating yourself right. So think about that too. Anyway, If, You. Guys need to vent. Send it to us because y'all be living some lives out here and I'm very interested in it. CockTales at CockTales pod.com. Again, like Medina said, make sure you guys sign up for Patreon, Patreon do com slash CockTales, check the links in the description box and make sure that you sign up for our trips. You sign up for Patreon, you check out our sponsors, all of that good stuff. We want your lives to be full and happy. Follow us on Instagram. We are at CockTales podcast. I'm at Kiki.

3 (1h 20m 55s):

Said So, I'm at Coffee Bean. And until next week you guys. Goodbye.

12 (1h 20m 60s):

Goodbye. Bye bye. Bye.